So yesterday was no joke, the amount of times I actually contemplated not doing yesterday or just waiting till the next competition.
But despite all of that contemplation, all the negative shit going through my head, I knew I needed to go through with tomorrow. So I did I drove for 3+ hours to the competition thinking to myself WHAT AM I DOING, but I knew within myself I NEEDED TO DO THIS, so i drove for 3+ hours.
The car journey there was fine, I was chatting to my loving girlfriend Sarah, who out of her own kindness escorted me to venue. But as soon as I entered that arena, I think Sarah will agree, nerves hit me like a ton of bricks, I just shut up.
Weighing In - too light or too heavy
The daunting fact of the matter is that I was here and it was here that I would FINALLY be back to competing. I went into weigh in and register (weighing in at 68.5kg, October 2014 I weighed 77kg) into the U73kgs, and the gentlemen behind the counter pulled a face at my weight going "im going to have to put you up a weight class".
His facial expression probably representing my own anxietys as I knew unfortunate situation I was in. However, despite a 3+ hour drive, despite weighing light in that particular class I did have a great time, I was back competing in judo and I think what made it more special is the fact I had Sarah there to watch in on me competing and I honestly can say (seriously) I would not have completed the day with out her.
If we move away from being soppy for a second, and to the actual result. Im a mixture of happy and unhappy. Im happy by the fact, I have competed and I have taken the most important steps to getting back into competition. I now have my bench mark and Ican start to make goals and formulate a plan of action ready for september.
Consistency is key
However, I hate loosing more than I like winning, I was GUTTED to have lost and more to the fact to loose in front of Sarah. I lost both of my fights, and it was crushing, its this feeling which is motivating me to train harder, and more consistently. Moving on from this weekend I am now just striving, im striving and working non-stop for what I want. It's clear I have the support and resources I need to do this, all I need to do is put the work in and stay mentally strong. WATCH THIS SPACE!!!!
A Snippet of me fighting at the Weekend. Just click the link to have a look U73kgs N.H.C Senior Open.